I don’t clear off on photographic jaunts with anything like the fervour with which I used to clear off on photographic jaunts. (Reasons: don’t want to, can’t be arsed, I have deep concerns about my cat beasties’ mental well-being in that such jaunts involve them being abandoned for days on end – albeit with a splendid twice a day cat visitor. They sulk though, they do. Furthermore, I have other demands on my cash, more intricate and devious demands. I also have stuff I want to do, stuff which involves staying at home and engaging in big, serious missions, world-changing schemes, serious stuff. Stuff I have to achieve. But mostly, I don’t go away anywhere near as much as I can’t be arsed, as stated.)
To be honest, I’m rather glad not to be haring off on so many jollies with all the attendant mind-fuck stress, cat-abandonment, money-frittering etc. that such jollies would, without fail, entail even though some of them were part-subsidised on account of my ex-bloke being a photography holiday tutor. And the source of much of the mind-fuck stress. Moving on.
Good God, I mean, look at the tally, 2007-2013:
Kerala (x 2)
Venice (x 2)
Iceland (x 4)
Dorset (x 467)
Hampshire (x 896)
Jersey (x 2)
Dorset – have I done Dorset?
North Norfolk coast
Alfriston and the Cuckmere Valley
New Forest (6,134)
Walton on the Naze – drawn to exotica I clearly am
Compared to some people’s venturings – outrageous! Shameless, crazy, lazy-arsed holiday-ing for an utterly indulgent, ludicrously wealthy, more free time than is decent bastard!
Compared to other’s – peanuts! They’d knock that lot off in a weekend, or so you would imagine by the way they portray themselves on social media, #travelbrag (big-headed fuckers.)
But on those rare occasions when I do go away now a chum, who, on the face of it (note that), is a well-meaning, kind, normal (compared to some), compassionate, rather sweet person writes over Facebook Chat, without fail,
“I can’t wait to see the photos!”.
Note the exclamation mark of enthusiasm. They can’t wait the photos, they say – as if they really mean it.
Well, they may not have been able to wait but they’re waiting still because they haven’t seen them yet. None of them. They haven’t asked to see them either. How does this ‘can’t wait’ thing manifest itself anyway in physical terms? An increasingly puce-faced, vein-throbbing, crossed-legged experience with the faintest hint of micturition? Thought so. Hope they’re holding on.
They certainly haven’t seen the last batch from Venice, November 2017 and the first jaunt for quite some time. I haven’t inflicted even one of them on them over Facebook Chat. Not one sumptuous view from the steps of the Basilica of Santa Maria della Salute in the sestiere of Dorsoduro looking down the Grand Canal taken during the pre-dawn Blue Hour. And what a loss to them that is. I haven’t made any effort whatsoever to show them anything whatsoever because I know that they’re not actually interested in seeing my #travelbrag, more free time (and money) than is decent, show-off, ‘look at the skill with which I wield my fancy, and ludicrously expensive, equipment and the artistry thus produced taken somewhere they’ve never visited and have no interest in visiting either’ snaps.
By what mechanism do they expect to see them anyway? They don’t do Twitter, the chief repository of said images, and if they’re even aware that I am the custodian of this very fine site I’ll be amazed. They’ve never said. But it’s a nice thing to say isn’t it, “I can’t wait to see the photos!”, even if they don’t actually mean it.
Goddamn. The people I know. Don’t get me started.
(By the way, I’ve just hit my head on a cupboard when I threw it back in laughter on re-reading the above.)
Quite a lot of buildings aren’t there in my old snaps? Were I to go again I might do things differently. There again, I might not. So, I started out with a minor pop at one of my fellow humans, and if they’re reading this “Hi there!”, and ended up saying more than I expected about dear old Venice. I had a Venice blog in mind for another occasion. I now have several Venice blogs in mind where these illustrations may well make many more appearances. Same pictures, different words – perhaps. I shall clear off now. Thank you, kind reader, for joining me on my jaunty photographic jaunt. I’ve quite enjoyed myself. Thank you.